What If
by LaughSpazm
Summary: After getting hit in the head, Claire goes through a series of What Ifs about her life. CC


Disclaimer: I do not own Lost…if I did I wouldn't be here writing fan fiction, now would I?

**Chapter One: What If Life Were Normal?**

Claire woke up to Charlie's snoring. She rolled her eyes, checked on Aaron and left her tent. She went down to the ocean and just let her thoughts wander. Charlie walked down with Aaron a little while later and put his hand on her shoulder. She shook him off and turned around.

"Want some breakfast?" he asked, holding out some fruit. She shrugged and took a bite, beginning her day. The day went by as usual. She took care of the baby, pretended to laugh at people's not-so-funny jokes, and did her chores around camp. She didn't know what was wrong but everything seemed to be bothering her lately. From the way Charlie was always doing everything for her to the way everyone seemed to be constantly worried.

When it was time for her walk, she handed Aaron over to Charlie and headed off. She walked along the beach for a while but then turned toward the jungle. It would be quieter there, not so many people. Claire felt like she needed to be alone right now. She walked deeper and deeper into the trees. Suddenly she heard a twig snap. Her heart began to beat faster.

"Hey Claire," called a voice behind her. "Wait up!" She whipped her head around and breathed a huge sigh of relief as she saw who it was.

"Charlie!" she yelled, suddenly angry. "What are you doing here? Where's Aaron?"

"He's with Sun. I saw you head into the jungle and I was worried, I didn't want you to be in here alone, it's pretty dangerous, you know?" Charlie explained.

"Charlie, go away!"

"What's wrong Claire?" he asked. "You've been off for a few days now, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said, though she knew she wasn't. "Just leave me alone!"

"Claire what did I do?" asked Charlie. She just rolled her eyes. "You're acting like you don't even like me." His statement was just met with silence. "You do like me, Claire, right? You've forgiven me for everything I've done. I said I was sorry, but I'll say it again if you want me to," his eyes were begging her to say something, anything.

"I'm just having a bad day, okay Charlie. It's nothing per-,"

"Claire! Look out!" Charlie yelled. He ran towards her and caught her in his arms just as the world blacked out around her.

She woke up to the sound of someone's voice, someone she didn't recognize. Her eyes began to open slowly and she looked around. Where was she? Claire stood up and walked to the door. She listened carefully, trying to see if she could make out what the voice was saying. She was only able to hear a few words here and there.

"…plane…contact...mourn…" It was all too jumbled, none of it made sense. Claire placed her hand on the doorknob and checked if it was locked. It wasn't. She poked her head out and looked around. Who was that on the couch? He glanced over and saw her looking out.

"Hey Claire, what're you doing?"

"Thomas?"

**Chapter Two: What If It Never Happened?**

Suddenly, she realized where she was. It was her apartment! How did she get here? Why wasn't she on the island?

"What happened?" she asked, slowly coming out of the doorway.

"What do you mean what happened? Oh, you mean the news?" Claire looked over and understood where the voice had been coming from. Thomas had the TV on. "Some plane's missing or something," he continued, nodding at the television. Oh yeah, that totally made everything make sense.

Nothing made sense, how was she here and not on the island? She glanced at the news and saw the headline in the background. Wait, what did it say? Oceanic Flight 815? That was her flight, she was on it, but if she was then why was she here. It was all just too confusing. She looked at the date on the screen. September 22nd?

"Thomas, where's Aaron?" she asked, starting to get really worried. If it was really only September 22nd, she should still be pregnant.

"Who are you talking about?"

"My son!" Claire practically screamed.

"Claire, we gave him up for adoption."

"What?" the single word was all she could manage. She was so disoriented. She had no idea why she was where she was, and her son, the one person that had always been there for her and loved her unconditionally was gone. Well, not the one person. Her eyes began to well up as she continued to speak. "No, I should still be pregnant."

"Don't you remember? He came early; the doctor said it had to do with stress or something. We had it all arranged. They took him right after you gave birth. Claire, are you all right?" Claire just stared at the television screen. Everything was so messed up. Even if she hadn't been on the plane, Thomas shouldn't be here. The names of the supposed dead flashed across the screen.

"I know those people," she said. "They're not dead, at least not all of them. I just saw them five minutes ago!"

"Claire what are you talking about? You were asleep five minutes ago," Thomas was really starting to get worried now. "Are you okay Claire?"

"No, I know those people!" she insisted. There was Kate, Jack, Sawyer, Hurley, everyone. Wait, no…not everyone. "Where's Charlie?"

"Who…what…what are you talking about? Charlie who?"

"My Charlie," Claire said so quietly she knew Thomas wouldn't be able to hear.

"What?" Thomas was practically yelling now.

"Charlie…his name's not there, it's not on the list." That's when Charlie's picture appeared on the screen.

"Claire…I don't understand, just talk to me," Thomas pleaded.

"Shh!" She stared at him with such ferocity that he instantly shut up.

"DriveShaft bass player Charlie Pace was almost on this doomed flight. Luckily, his brother, Liam, was able to convince him to stay here in Sydney. We'll keep you updated as we get more information. And in other news…" Claire just stood there. He never got on the flight either. What was going on? She just walked away, headed towards the bedroom. Thomas was calling after her as she went in, but she could barely hear him. She lied down in the bed and closed her eyes.

She figured she would wake up from this dream sooner or later, so she just slept and slept. Thomas came in every now and then to ask her if she needed anything. She lived off of peanut butter sandwiches for a couple of days. What had happened to everything? There was no more island, no more Aaron, no more Charlie. Wait, Charlie was still alive though. She could go and find him, maybe he was going through the same thing that she was. She had to find him. She could just go get the phonebook, look up Liam Pace, and then go there. She sat up in the bed and glanced at the clock. 8:15 am. She took a shower, got dressed, and ran into the kitchen. Thomas was there.

"Claire?" he asked uncertainly, "Are you feeling better?" She just nodded in response and ran to find the phonebook. Pace…Pace….Pace…finally she found it, Liam Pace. He didn't even live that far away. She tore the page out and ran towards the door.

"Claire, what are you doing?" asked Thomas coming after her.

"I have to find him Thomas, you don't understand, you weren't there."

"Who do you have to find Claire? Let me help you."

"No Thomas, just leave me alone!" she jumped into the car and closed the door before he could say anything else.

She drove down the streets looking around and trying to find the Pace's home. That's when she saw him. He was outside the house playing with a little girl. She drove up and jumped out of the car.

"Charlie!" she yelled running over to him and giving him a huge hug.

"Um, what? Who are you?" Claire released him from the hug and looked at him, he seemed so confused.

"Charlie, no, it's me…Claire. Don't you remember me at all?" she could feel the tears coming again. He didn't remember her. She could tell just by the look on his face. Without Charlie who would she have to make her laugh when everything was bad? Nothing was right. She turned around just in time to see the huge branch coming at her. He caught her in his arms just as the world blacked out around her.

She was definitely back on the beach, she knew that much. But something just didn't seem right. Her tent felt too big, she looked around, and suddenly figured it out. They were still gone.

**Chapter Three: What If We Weren't Friends?**

No, she had to be just imagining things. Everything was fine. They just got up early. And Charlie took all the baby's things out of the tent. Suuuuure. Claire exited her tent and looked around frantically.

"Charlie?" she called out. "Charlie? Has anyone seen Charlie? Aaron? Hey, where's Aaron?" she started to run over to people and ask them if they had seen either Charlie or her son. She was causing such a commotion that a crowd was beginning to form. No one had any idea what she was talking about. Jack came out from the center of the group and approached her carefully.

"Claire, are you okay?" he asked gently.

"Everyone keeps asking me that. I was okay at first but now I…I don't know. Where's Charlie?"

"Who are you talking about Claire?" she began to cry and couldn't answer. "Claire, you know about the plane crash right?" she nodded and managed to say that Charlie had been on the plane as well. "Do you mean Charlie Pace?" asked Jack, now very confused.

"Yes, yes," she said almost laughing with relief.

"Claire, since when did you start to be friends with him?" he asked with a hatful tone.

"No, no, everything's wrong. This isn't how it is. He's my friend. He's your friend too. Where is he?"

"Well after he shot Libby and Ana-Lucia, let "Henry Gale" go, and tried to hand over Kate, Sawyer, and me to the Others all for some drugs, well…let's just say…he wasn't really welcome here."

"No, that was Michael when he was trying to get Walt back," Claire said determinedly.

"What?" yelled a voice from the crowd. Michael stepped out with his arm around Walt and just stared at her.

"Claire are you sure you're okay?" asked Jack, genuinely concerned now. Claire just completely lost it then. She began to sob uncontrollably and curled up into a ball on the sand.

Everyone just looked at each other for a little while until they decided there was nothing left for them to do. They all walked away, except for Mr. John Locke.

"Claire, do you want to talk?" he asked.

She wiped her eyes and felt foolish. She had broken down in front of everyone. Claire nodded and stood up to follow Locke over to his tent.

"What were you talking about back there?" he asked, truly curious.

"That's what happened, I know it is. I'm telling the truth!" she began to become defensive before he even accused her of anything.

"Don't worry Claire, I believe you. What's been going on lately?"

"I don't know! I've been waking up and I'm not were I'm supposed to be, nothing is the way it's supposed to be. I'm just so confused," she could feel the tears coming again, but this time, fought to keep them at bay.

"Hmmm," Locke said, thinking hard. "I'm not sure, but I think that the Island may be testing you in some way." Claire rolled her eyes.

"Okay," she said. "The Island is sending me to alternate realities…to test me?"

"Yes," said Locke, one-hundred percent serious. "Maybe you have something in your life that you don't appreciate, and the Island is trying to show you what you have…before it's too late."

"Too late for what?" Claire asked, feeling more than slightly creeped out.

"Do you really want to just wait and see?" Claire just sat there and looked at her feet. "I think that we should go find Charlie," he said, and with that, he got up and left the tent.

"John?" Claire called running after him.

"Yes?" he began to slow down to allow her to catch up.

"What happened to Aaron?"

"I assume you mean your son," he said with a sigh. "Danielle took him. Sayid ran to get him back, but, well…it didn't work. You don't seem surprised." Claire shook her head and followed Locke in silence for a little while longer.

"How do you know where he is?" Claire asked, just trying to make conversation. Really, she didn't care; she just wanted to see him.

"I helped him set up a place. Even though I hate that guy…well, I wanted to know where he was, I had to keep an eye on him. I didn't want him to be able to hurt anyone else."

"Oh," she said, looking down at her feet once again. Claire looked up a little while later and realized where they were. They had gone to the caves. Okay, so the caves had become like prison. Um…sure.

"Charlie," Locke called. "Well…there's someone here to see you." Wow, it even sounded like something someone would say to a prisoner. That's when he came out. He didn't look like the Charlie she knew. He looked scared, and little. But she didn't care she walked up to him slowly.

"Hi," he said quietly, his eyes cast down.

"Charlie," Claire said smiling. "You have no idea how much I missed you!" He looked up at her, giving her the same confused look he had given her back when she had hugged him at his brother's house. Except it hadn't been him, but it had been. She was so confused, that she didn't see the rock come at her head. He caught her in his arms just as the world blacked out around her.

Well, she was definitely still on the island, but this time she didn't seem to be near camp. She was lying on the ground in the middle of the jungle. She stood up and began to wander around. Okay, so this time she was still pregnant. Well, that didn't really matter; if Charlie wasn't here she would just lose Aaron once Danielle came. Then she heard voices. They were familiar though. One of them was John's but the other was harder to place. It sounded like…no…it couldn't be…he had been dead for a while now. As she walked through the bushes though, her suspicions were confirmed.

"Claire?" said Locke, and sure enough standing next to him was Boone.

**Chapter Four: What If He Were Gone?**

Suddenly she was extremely exhausted. She had only enough energy to walk over to the two men before she collapsed into John's arms. Deja-vu or what? She awoke to Jack wiping a cool cloth across her face. She opened her eyes, looked around, and sat up. Okay, this time there was no reason to scream, she knew who everyone was.

"Claire, are you okay?" asked Jack. Everyone looked concerned; they were all staring at her, waiting for her to speak. She just looked around, looked at all the faces. No, she still wasn't home. Charlie should be here. Not again, she thought.

"Where is he this time?" she said almost in a whisper.

"What?" asked Jack, kindly.

"Where's Charlie?" she asked for what seemed like the millionth time. Jack and Kate just looked at each other and bowed their heads. They looked at each other once more, and Jack just nodded.

"Claire, there's something we need to tell you," began Kate. "It's about Charlie. Well, Jack and I went looking for you and him, and we found him Claire…but…I'm sorry…he was hanging there…we couldn't save him." Claire stood up. No, this wasn't happening. Every other time, he had still been there; at least, even if he was just in the background, he had been safe. But now…now…he was dead. No he wasn't, they were lying to her.

"No really, where is he?" she asked, not allowing herself to move out of her state of denial.

"Claire…I'm so sorry," Kate's eyes were welling up with tears, as were many of the other castaways'. Claire wouldn't let herself believe it…it wasn't real…it couldn't be.

Sun stepped forward and held out her hand. "Come," she said. Claire stood up, Sun was taking her to where Charlie really was, to where he was hiding, then they would all just say "Surprise!" or something. Yeah, that was it, it had to be. She followed Sun through the jungle and out to the beach. Everyone had followed behind. That's when she saw it. She knew it had to be his…his guitar was right on top. She walked over and fell to her knees.

Charlie Pace. It said it right there on the cross. She took one look at it and cried. She cried harder than she had ever cried in her life. Slowly people began to walk away…they needed to give her some privacy. It was still dark though, so they didn't wander far. Claire thought of all the time they had spent together, what he had done for her, everything.

"You can't be dead," she said to the grave. "You just can't. There was so much left. So much for you to do…to be…so much for me to say." After the tears ran out, she just lied there in silence for a while. One of the last things he said to her just kept ringing in her head.

Do you even like me Claire?

She half expected it when she blacked out this time. But the thing was, this time, he wasn't there to catch her.

**Chapter Five: What If I Didn't Appreciate Us?**

She opened her eyes and examined where she was once again. This time, she wasn't too sure though. She wasn't pregnant anymore…okay. She was in a bunk bed in a room that looked like it was made from concrete. Claire sat up quickly as Hurley ran in. Okay so apparently she was still on the island. She began to feel dizzy and held her head as she realized it was all bandaged up. What was going on?

"Claire, you're okay!" yelled Hurley. He turned around and yelled at someone behind him. "Get Charlie! We finally get him to get up and go outside," he said turning to her once more, "and you wake up! Man, he's gonna kill us!" He gave a small laugh and looked at her. "You okay Claire?"

"Yeah…I am," she said. Wait, did he say Charlie was here? Charlie was all right, and they were friends! Was everything back to normal? "Hurley, what happened?"

"I don't know, dude. Charlie just came running back to camp holding you, and you were all like unconscious. He said something like hit you or something." Everything seemed like it was back to normal. Then Charlie came running in.

"Charlie!" Claire yelled, jumping up and giving him a hug. This was not the best idea however, as immediately afterwards, a wave of dizziness came over her. She didn't care though, he was okay! She looked up at him, he looked confused. But not like he had the other two times, no…it was happy confusion. "Where's Aaron?" she asked, suddenly realizing that not everything might be back to normal.

"Don't worry," he said, "Sun's still got him." He smiled at her and she smiled back. Everything really was back to normal…except…why? She thought about it the rest of the day. As she had lunch, as she took care of Aaron, as Charlie played his guitar. The guitar reminded her of her grief over losing him. That's when she realized it. She knew why it had ended; she finally knew how to answer his question.

"Charlie," she said, walking up to him slowly.

"Yeah?" he answered still looking at his guitar.

"Remember how before…you asked…if…if I liked you?"

"Claire, it's okay, you're just tired. You're stranded on an island and you're a mother, really, it doesn't matter," he said, finally looking at her.

"Yes it does," she began, "I do like you Charlie, I don't want you to ever think that I don't, okay?"

"Don't worry Claire, I know," with that he stood up and kissed her, and all the worries of everything bad that had happened that day just melted away.

**THE END**

Please review…I will be forever grateful! 


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